Yesterday night did not go so well... I had good intentions I drank 3 glasses of water at dinner before I even started drinking beer but once I did I went all out... oops. It felt good to let go of reality but in the back of my head I was dreading entering those brew on my nutrition log. But I did NOT eat any french fries, fried pickles or fried wings ! I had naked tenders which were basically baked pieces of chicken breast with no breading and sauce for dipping. I actually didn't even use any ranch?!? That's a Buffalo Wild Wings first for me. So I learned a good lesson one or two beers and then I need to be done. Or better yet maybe I shouldn't even start to begin with that way I can avoid the 500 calories of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up this morning after sleeping in until 9am which is pretty unheard of for me. I felt good no hangover. Just tired. I forget what that feels like as I don't really ever drink anymore. I am pooped, dead tired and Tom is on a mission to do Spring cleaning. I make myself the best smoothie ever! Frozen fruit, Almond Milk and a couple of scoops of protein powder mmmm... What a great start to the day and best of all it tastes like ice cream. Now all I can think about is the homework that I have got to get done before tomorrow. I spring clean with Tommy for a couple of hours... it's good exercise anyway. I hope I can get my steps in this way... The doughnuts are still on the counter I keep asking him if I can throw them away and he keeps saying no I am going to eat those. I opened the box a few times just to take a whiff, pathetic I know but I am really trying to avoid licking one or worse yet taking a huge bite. I need to keep my goals in the front of my mind ...remember ? GET IN SHAPE SO YOU CAN BE HEALTHY WHEN YOU GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES... I want to be a fit mom, not a sit on the couch and watch cartoons mom. My biological clock is ticking I am approaching 30 and am eager to get this show on the road. But I have to be able to take care of myself before I go trying to bring another person into this world.
After Spring cleaning I am exhausted so I come upstairs and take a nap. It feels really good just an hour but by then Tom is working on a project, hooking up some wireless speakers and is pretty grouchy. I asked him if he would like some lunch and start to preheat the oven and bring the last of the Subway sandwiches from yesterday out. He says no go away ! It was peaceful when you were sleeping. Me being grouchy and tired myself get into my car and go for a ride. I am not going to fight with him its just not worth it. So I go for a drive and I feel the itch to go get some unhealthy food. Maybe I should call someone to distract me or maybe I should go get a latte from Starbucks, that's not too bad and it would distract me also. Or maybe I should just go back home and ignore Tom. So naturally I pull through Arby's and get a sandwich. UGH!!! I put the bag on the seat and decide that I am not going to open it. So I just leave it there and continue to drive. OK maybe I will take one bite and then throw the rest away. So I unwrap the sandwich and take one bite. Hmmm not bad but not that good either. It is so much saltier than I remember salt is sodium an that is not good but I am kind of unnerved right now so I eat the whole damn thing. Shit ... now I am going to have to log that. Which means I am going to have to fess up that I ate that... damn... Food is my drug of choice for sure any trigger stress, anger, frustration, anxiety and I go for food. This is going to take some practice.
Overall mood for today: Tired and disappointed in my choices. Boo!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Let's make this be the LAST time !
Today I am feeling pretty good yesterday I got a lot of exercise and when I weighed myself this morning(Saturday) I was 2 pounds down from Thursday! I got a BodyBugg and it is really helpful it really helps to keep me motivated and on track ! I check it constantly to see if I am at a calorie deficit, see where my steps are and to just check and see how my day has been going. I didn't blog for a couple of days so I will catch us all up to speed ...
This past Wednesday was a hard day for me... I was just not feeling 100% and I was really stressed, my food journal definitely showed that. I came home from school early and had a lot to do ! My mom wanted me to come and help her with some paint colors so I came home made lunch (a Beef fajita wrap) and then headed over to her house, before I left I also had a quick scoop of peanut butter(not sure why). I was really tired so I was going to try and catch a quick nap before I went over there so I could be super productive when I got home. I stayed there for about 3 hours and may have accidentally downed a couple Dark Chocolate Dove pieces and some almonds while I was there too. When I got home I had a full plan of attack but was still so tired! I sat down at my computer and started to try to get to work but I found myself getting up to get a snack quite often...maybe I was stalling? When all was said and done I had eaten way more than I should have and then was feeling really defeated. Right before I went to bed I made a quick half peanut better sandwich, I reasoned with myself that I already blew so whats a little more.
When I woke up on Thursday with a "food hangover" I felt gross I had a stomach ache and I felt nauseated. I took a couple of Pepto tablets and told myself it would pass. My trainer was coming over around 10 so it better pass or I was for sure going to puke during our workout! I was feeling better, feeling a lot of anxiety before my workout. I was anxious about the workout and also anxious about the HUGE exam that was soon to come that evening. I made myself a very healthy breakfast or egg beaters, spinach, toast and Activia yogurt hoping that would also help to settle my tummy. I did my workout but found myself really struggling to get through it for some reason it was really painful this week. I though it was supposed to get easier ?!? Ugh! I hate this stage of dieting where everything is pretty new, I'm waaaaay out of shape and struggling to "get it together." After my workout Kristi and I sat down and "talked food" I showed her my food journal and she was like whoa.... OK we need to sort this out. I was consuming way more calories than I needed to. My fat grams were waaaay high and my sodium intake was out of this world ! I confessed all my sins, it's almost like talking to a therapist really and laid it all out there. It feels really good to talk about things, I feel like it helps keep me focused. Se also had some words of wisdom for me this week. She showed me a video of a 70 year old woman who can hold a plank for over half an hour! She also said, " Let's work hard so you never have to go through this again!" Amen sister I have done everything when it comes to dieting and exercise and I need to get it together and get it right this time!!! She had me write down my motivator, my obstacles and set some goals. I better remember that I gave her those because I have a feeling I am going to see those again in a few weeks. Our session was really good this week. I just needed to talk and be really honest with her so she can try to help me the best that she can. After Kristi left I felt rejuvenated. I packed a lunch and headed to school to study my butt of for my Phys test- and I DIDN'T STRESS eat at all ! :)
Friday was also a really good day. It was the fist day that I had eaten out since I started this project a couple of weeks ago. I had a "fish fry" with baked fish and only ate 2 spoonfuls of potato salad and 2 spoonfuls of coleslaw and half my bun. Normally I would have polished that whole thing off no problem! Also I got a Diet Pepsi instead of a beer and I was fine with that ! :) Eating out is hard its really tempting and its hard to know exactly what is in your food. Yikes scary ! I went for a good dog walk before we went to dinner and then took my pup to the dog park after to make sure that I got at least my 10,000 steps in! I actually ended up with significantly more than that! Thanks BodyBugg I wouldn't have gone for a walk if I didn't see that! I came home to an empty house and was feeling kind of hmmm... lonely I guess I paced around the kitchen and kept battling with myself to stay away from the food !!! I was kind of hungry but kind of not ... Yikes this is hard. I grabbed some Sugar Free Jello, sat down and watched some TV. That still didn't do it so I grabbed another sugar free jello.... hmm
So now it's Saturday I woke up early because Tom's family is coming to help with some things at the house and I told my Grandma I would take her out to breakfast and for some shopping. Tommy wanted me to go get some donuts for everyone working at the house. DONUTS ?!? Really ?!? So I did and I did NOT sample! When I went to breakfast I looked for something that would be reasonable. First I decided maybe the Fresh Fruit Plate served with an egg and a piece of toast perfect! That seems pretty harmless but when the waitress came she said that the fruit plate is not in season yet. So I got the veggie and cheese omelet with some wheat toast. That can't be too bad right? It came with 2 pieces of toast, I only ate one I should have asked for dry toast, it came buttered. I did a lot of walking shopping, we went to the mall and Target and all over the place. I stopped at Subway to grab some sandwiches for the guys working at the house. When I got home no one was here, good thing I ordered the sandwiches with no dressing - I ate a 6" Turkey sub with no mayo and no mustard. While I was eating the sandwich I uploaded by BodyBugg stuff to see how much damage I had done- not bad. Tonight we are supposed to go out to diner at Buffalo Wild Wings I am debating my plan of attack. I looked up nutrition facts online and if something is low fat its way high sodium... hmm.... I'll keep looking. I may just make a Whole Body Green shake and have a couple beers and some water at dinner ...
This past Wednesday was a hard day for me... I was just not feeling 100% and I was really stressed, my food journal definitely showed that. I came home from school early and had a lot to do ! My mom wanted me to come and help her with some paint colors so I came home made lunch (a Beef fajita wrap) and then headed over to her house, before I left I also had a quick scoop of peanut butter(not sure why). I was really tired so I was going to try and catch a quick nap before I went over there so I could be super productive when I got home. I stayed there for about 3 hours and may have accidentally downed a couple Dark Chocolate Dove pieces and some almonds while I was there too. When I got home I had a full plan of attack but was still so tired! I sat down at my computer and started to try to get to work but I found myself getting up to get a snack quite often...maybe I was stalling? When all was said and done I had eaten way more than I should have and then was feeling really defeated. Right before I went to bed I made a quick half peanut better sandwich, I reasoned with myself that I already blew so whats a little more.
When I woke up on Thursday with a "food hangover" I felt gross I had a stomach ache and I felt nauseated. I took a couple of Pepto tablets and told myself it would pass. My trainer was coming over around 10 so it better pass or I was for sure going to puke during our workout! I was feeling better, feeling a lot of anxiety before my workout. I was anxious about the workout and also anxious about the HUGE exam that was soon to come that evening. I made myself a very healthy breakfast or egg beaters, spinach, toast and Activia yogurt hoping that would also help to settle my tummy. I did my workout but found myself really struggling to get through it for some reason it was really painful this week. I though it was supposed to get easier ?!? Ugh! I hate this stage of dieting where everything is pretty new, I'm waaaaay out of shape and struggling to "get it together." After my workout Kristi and I sat down and "talked food" I showed her my food journal and she was like whoa.... OK we need to sort this out. I was consuming way more calories than I needed to. My fat grams were waaaay high and my sodium intake was out of this world ! I confessed all my sins, it's almost like talking to a therapist really and laid it all out there. It feels really good to talk about things, I feel like it helps keep me focused. Se also had some words of wisdom for me this week. She showed me a video of a 70 year old woman who can hold a plank for over half an hour! She also said, " Let's work hard so you never have to go through this again!" Amen sister I have done everything when it comes to dieting and exercise and I need to get it together and get it right this time!!! She had me write down my motivator, my obstacles and set some goals. I better remember that I gave her those because I have a feeling I am going to see those again in a few weeks. Our session was really good this week. I just needed to talk and be really honest with her so she can try to help me the best that she can. After Kristi left I felt rejuvenated. I packed a lunch and headed to school to study my butt of for my Phys test- and I DIDN'T STRESS eat at all ! :)
Friday was also a really good day. It was the fist day that I had eaten out since I started this project a couple of weeks ago. I had a "fish fry" with baked fish and only ate 2 spoonfuls of potato salad and 2 spoonfuls of coleslaw and half my bun. Normally I would have polished that whole thing off no problem! Also I got a Diet Pepsi instead of a beer and I was fine with that ! :) Eating out is hard its really tempting and its hard to know exactly what is in your food. Yikes scary ! I went for a good dog walk before we went to dinner and then took my pup to the dog park after to make sure that I got at least my 10,000 steps in! I actually ended up with significantly more than that! Thanks BodyBugg I wouldn't have gone for a walk if I didn't see that! I came home to an empty house and was feeling kind of hmmm... lonely I guess I paced around the kitchen and kept battling with myself to stay away from the food !!! I was kind of hungry but kind of not ... Yikes this is hard. I grabbed some Sugar Free Jello, sat down and watched some TV. That still didn't do it so I grabbed another sugar free jello.... hmm
So now it's Saturday I woke up early because Tom's family is coming to help with some things at the house and I told my Grandma I would take her out to breakfast and for some shopping. Tommy wanted me to go get some donuts for everyone working at the house. DONUTS ?!? Really ?!? So I did and I did NOT sample! When I went to breakfast I looked for something that would be reasonable. First I decided maybe the Fresh Fruit Plate served with an egg and a piece of toast perfect! That seems pretty harmless but when the waitress came she said that the fruit plate is not in season yet. So I got the veggie and cheese omelet with some wheat toast. That can't be too bad right? It came with 2 pieces of toast, I only ate one I should have asked for dry toast, it came buttered. I did a lot of walking shopping, we went to the mall and Target and all over the place. I stopped at Subway to grab some sandwiches for the guys working at the house. When I got home no one was here, good thing I ordered the sandwiches with no dressing - I ate a 6" Turkey sub with no mayo and no mustard. While I was eating the sandwich I uploaded by BodyBugg stuff to see how much damage I had done- not bad. Tonight we are supposed to go out to diner at Buffalo Wild Wings I am debating my plan of attack. I looked up nutrition facts online and if something is low fat its way high sodium... hmm.... I'll keep looking. I may just make a Whole Body Green shake and have a couple beers and some water at dinner ...
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Temptation...
OK so today I would have to say that I was really tempted to make some bad choices. I was having a very good morning I got a lot of studying done and also was doing really good with my diet and then .... something went wrong. I got my Microbiology test back and did not do as well as I thought I had. I did not fail, but I didn't get the A that I so wanted and hoped that I might get. I felt stressed, I felt upset, I felt pressure and an urgency to do something to make myself feel better. So I let some tears well up, took a deep breath and made it through class without crying. Getting through class was easy- getting through the drive home without stuffing my face full of not-so-good food is a whole different story! I got to my car and I could feel my stomach growling, my mouth was watering at the thought of Taco Bell or Jimmy Johns or even McDonald's. I pictured myself eating french fries, or tacos, or potato chips but in the back of my head was a voice telling me not to. I asked myself, What would Kristi say? What would Tommy say? More importantly how would that food make me feel? The answer to the last question is awful, it would make me feel like even more of a failure and only provide me with short term satisfaction.
So when I turned the key and started driving I looked but didn't stop... Wow willpower!!! I remember what it feels like to have willpower, to be motivated to succeed no matter what obstacles stand in my way. I remembered something I was told in my Yoga class, if you feel pain... choose not to. If you feel the temptation to adjust to make things easier... choose not to. So ... I chose not to. I chose not to do what normally I would have had done with no hesitation! This is the start to something really great!
So when I turned the key and started driving I looked but didn't stop... Wow willpower!!! I remember what it feels like to have willpower, to be motivated to succeed no matter what obstacles stand in my way. I remembered something I was told in my Yoga class, if you feel pain... choose not to. If you feel the temptation to adjust to make things easier... choose not to. So ... I chose not to. I chose not to do what normally I would have had done with no hesitation! This is the start to something really great!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Today was a good day...
Today was a good day... I feel really strong and really healthy. I got my exercise in, got a lot accomplished at school and did well on my exam today! I feel happy and motivated, I even passed the $1.00 bagels and cream without indulging. Now that is an accomplishment. I took some "Before" pictures today and am optimistic that things are going to change for me this time. My trainer checked in on me today also which is nice. I like having someone on my team and someone to also help keep me on track.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
The beginning
I started my quest to get healthy about 3 days ago and I have found myself already making better choices! I usually go out for dinner on Friday nights for Wisconsin's infamous "Friday Night Fish Fry." I also usually go out for breakfast on Sunday mornings and order things like eggs benedict or blueberry muffins, this weekend I did neither of these things! I have been making recipes from the website Fit2Fat2Fit.com.
I made chicken breast with squash and zucchini then topped it with a low sugar spaghetti sauce for supper on Friday. Then I got up on Sunday morning and made spinach with egg white omelets. I find that I really enjoy cooking... Today I also did 45 minutes of yoga it was really great! I felt so grounded and relaxed after I was done. My boyfriend walked in while I was "mid-Yoga" and he looked away like he shouldn't watch but then I caught him watching me ... like he was proud of me! That made me feel really good!
Some challenges I am coming to realize are:
1. That I am going to have to be really organized to do this and learn to manage my time better. I need to make meals ahead of time and make sure that I'm not going too long without eating.
2. I also think that I need to get in check with my emotions and make some strategies to handle tricky situations. When I am dreading doing something I reach for food and I don't know why. I don't know if it's just anxiety or comfort or procrastinating but today I was doing my homework and was at a point where I needed to get some serious memorization done and instead of diving in- I went and poured myself a bowl of Grapenuts topped off with a little chocolate milk. Why ? I wasn't hungry but I did it anyway... Hmmm...to be continued....
I made chicken breast with squash and zucchini then topped it with a low sugar spaghetti sauce for supper on Friday. Then I got up on Sunday morning and made spinach with egg white omelets. I find that I really enjoy cooking... Today I also did 45 minutes of yoga it was really great! I felt so grounded and relaxed after I was done. My boyfriend walked in while I was "mid-Yoga" and he looked away like he shouldn't watch but then I caught him watching me ... like he was proud of me! That made me feel really good!
Some challenges I am coming to realize are:
1. That I am going to have to be really organized to do this and learn to manage my time better. I need to make meals ahead of time and make sure that I'm not going too long without eating.
2. I also think that I need to get in check with my emotions and make some strategies to handle tricky situations. When I am dreading doing something I reach for food and I don't know why. I don't know if it's just anxiety or comfort or procrastinating but today I was doing my homework and was at a point where I needed to get some serious memorization done and instead of diving in- I went and poured myself a bowl of Grapenuts topped off with a little chocolate milk. Why ? I wasn't hungry but I did it anyway... Hmmm...to be continued....
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